we're young we run free stay up late we don't sleep got our friends got the night. we'll be alright

2011-04-01T20:33:00.001+08:00

We're smiling but we're close to tears.

Not sorry to walk away, this could be v much better.

2011-03-15T23:12:00.001+08:00

We, not matter how strong or brave, how confident or happy,

will sometimes feel small and afraid.

People just forget that.

2011-02-12T00:19:00.002+08:00

Hello world, today is 11022011. I felt like a genius.

I am getting confused between the real you that i don't know and the one who looks like you and i might know.

I just celebrated my 18th birhday about 5 days ago and it was great and thanks everyone i was v grateful and i believe being simple is the way to express how happy i am.

Lets be friends foreverrrrrr, all of you!

I feel congested (?????)

2011-02-01T20:19:00.003+08:00

Hohoho, it is finally the chinese new year holidays but i am stucked with so much homework i don't know if its good or bad and i feel like i get increasingly lost in lessons (even history) and i am just sitting brain dead in class.

Plus, i don't know how i really feel about lessons sometimes it is just really moody and annoying, but also restless and feeling like i am in the middle of nowhere good.

Actually i am not anticipating the celebrations very much nor am i super looking forward to my birthday and i don't know why. I am getting v caught up with the idea of doing things my way.

We all want to have someone who would listen and stay the same.

Everyone faults but not everyone forgives.

2011-01-31T17:46:00.001+08:00

Sharing pillow and cold feet.

Your favourite person.

2011-01-15T22:39:00.002+08:00

From this moment on,

First week of school is just overrrr! It was alot of fun with the openhouse and getting back to classes i was still feeling fresh with the energy but i got stucked with finishing up homework everyday and having three tests next week while being caught up with really wanting to do well but also really wanting to just let it be. But i guess its fine, as long as i am not depressed yet.

Things are surely becoming crazy and before it gets more nuts i have decided to read harrypotter(yay!) before i don't get the chance!

2011-01-09T23:05:00.001+08:00

School is starting tmrrrr! I was quite excited and motivated but i am not sure how i am feeling about it now considering how i still have alot of maths and SEA hist to do. Teehee, and my sister is getting her results tmr it seems fun that open house is coming along maybe i shall just squeeze and speed do during these few days.

His love will never fail me.

2011-01-06T12:35:00.001+08:00

Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.

2011-01-04T01:57:00.001+08:00

In dreams we don't have to choose.

Goodnight.

2011-01-02T18:34:00.001+08:00

Compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright.

2010-12-31T17:27:00.001+08:00

I am looking forward to next year.

2010-12-29T23:39:00.002+08:00

I would usually conclude the year to be easy and it might be a little too early to say this (since we have 2 more days before 2010 is really over) but this year has really been a tough one. The things that go past and the thoughts and struggles that came along, so much that i don't even remember. It has been a ride, not totally bad because i have learnt and smiled and be glad. I have seen how i view things differently and how i understand it. I have learnt about the me that i am and come to terms with it, to realise i am not the ideal others build or i build still still be happy. When we race against your brain to fight for the words and come out with the figures, when you truly truly can smile. Most importantly for the relationships i have built. We all lose and win, i am thankful for the people arnd me, but i have also realised how me have turned down some others and how i have chose to not put in effort. I am sad that sometimes i get comfortable with the distance during transition, and i let it get in the way and do nothing about. This is getting hard, but i guess it happens and sometimes we cannot.

I guess one of the significant thing is about how God has came and left and how i grow less faithful and less into faith and that i don't even say thank God for all that has happened anymore. I do not doubt the faith of people arnd and the one i once had but now i cannot see myself in that position and i am tired and i ignorant of the grace there for me and in this moment it doesn't matter.

There isn't really anything to put across, not that i am a sad person as this is a tough year or that every year deserves reflecting.

I guess it is just that time is nothing - as always. When a year come we welcome it, when it ends we talk about it. Nothing changes except for the second that follows that last when we countdown. The only thing time does is that it groups our memories our experiences our ups and downs for us. Guessing it makes me worried and anxious and doubtful. So it is best to say it is here and now that matters.

2010-12-27T23:59:00.001+08:00

Hello everyone, Merry 3rd-day Christmas :D I had alot of fun!

New year, new season, new beginnings.

2010-12-22T22:25:00.002+08:00

I thought i wanted to write something v cool and inspirational but right now i am v tired and i have alot of math to do and i have progressed to a stage where 11hours of sleep is not enough hahahaha i really want to eat chompchomp chickenwing but somehow they don't really taste as nice as they used to when i just got here which is quite sad christmas is coming i am so happy that means there is alot of chocolate at home but i am broke and i want to go shopping i totally understand what it's like when someone says we will never be contented oh well as i think about the new year that is about to come i feel like i need to start making plans and sometimes i feel ready other times i just want it to be over.

I have stopped thinking i can, but that doesn't mean i feel like i can't, it's just that i am starting to reason to myself first.

2010-12-18T23:49:00.003+08:00

Long gone and moved on.

2010-12-17T00:38:00.000+08:00

When you are young you dream of having the world.

2010-12-13T22:16:00.002+08:00

Together.

Just because somebody doesn't see you the way you'd like them to means that you're not it. Soemtimes we grow up with this thinking that our favourite colour can't be it if it is not the same as the rest, that we cannot sit the way we like cos that's not how others will accept, that we can't make our choices unless it clicks with everyone else. We forgot that we come at the beginning and go at the end alone. So only ourselves matters.

I keep going out. I should finish chem by this week at least.

2010-12-10T16:37:00.002+08:00

I have been blogging v recently lately, like daily. Quite rare but not weird i think its like how you suddenly feel like talking more than usual. Heh.

Anyway, what i wanted to say is that Christmas is coming! Hoho, indeed i am looking forward to it - the joy the lights the presents and of course not forgetting the true meaning of this festive season. Heh, we can make wishes during christmas right? Mine isn't really tangible.

2010-12-09T23:04:00.002+08:00

DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW DOYOUKNOW.

Of course you don't. Because i didn't tell you. But i will now. I typed all of the above without copy and paste. I did it for an answer. For a Yes or No.
It turns out to be No.
But it doesn't feels like what i want. Still, didn't we agree on this?

2010-12-08T23:06:00.004+08:00

Take flight.

I went swimming today. Although i didn't swim as much as i used to/usually would it felt good still, like finding something you've lost for sometime. Today felt like a free day. When i was on my way home i saw an infant on the bus. It was so small and curled up and just crying. It was a happy sight.

I have been trying to do homework for the past 2 hours with not much success but at least i am trying and i hope tmr turns out good considering how i still have trng but i reckon it is gnabe fun cos we are making props for our performance. Did i say? We are dancing for open house.

Yknow sometimes you try to find the reasons for you to do things. Like if it doesn't rain tmr i am meant to run, if i wake up from my nap without the alarm i am meant to do homework, like if the bus comes on time it means i have to go somewhere. Sometimes this is what i do. And slowly i find myself cooking up more reasons to do things because i am lazy, i am tired, i do not want to participate, i want to be alone. I overlook the fact that doing things can make me happy, can change the way i view things, that it is something that i really want to do and need not find reasons for. This is quite random. I can actually say i am quite content with life the way it is now.

It hasn't been for long, as recently i seem to have a mantra in my head telling me to stop giving reasons to do things but to just do them cos you don't know how good it will turn out and you might just miss this chance. Like no matter how realistic life is and how in-your-face it becomes, we have to think big and believe that things can be done and they truly exists to be done, even if you can't fit it into a box. It is like how life is too short to diet, too exciting to keep planning, too surprising to just anticipate, too valuable to give up.

Life is about doing and taking chances, right?

Somehow i also think that at this age when we are actually quite young i am constantly worried about being old, which is weird. Haha. & i think more about the future now, than i usually would. I am still me yknow, at the end of the day.

I wanted to take a photo with a celebrity before i die. Does Paul Twohill count? Not that i idolise him, but i just remembered i took a photo with him before, hah.

I feel calm and peaceful.

Being totally irrelevant, i stayed online for about 4 hours ++ last night. It felt like i broke some record or smth considering how antisocial i usually am. Teehee.

I think i am addicted to travelling.

Infact i am quite sure i am.

2010-12-07T22:28:00.002+08:00

Runaway.

Whoots, i am back from taiwan it was so fun and good shopping and nice weather. We shop and walk everyday and it's so tiring but fulfilling and we spent every single cent we bought there and i feel like i haven't buy enough thing. The happiest was seeing the panda bears, omg hahah they are quite dirty but so cute omgggg can't wait for the sg ones to come here teehee.

I doubt i will go back soon but i would like to. It feels so familiar this time i am there cos everything's still the same. And i managed to direct the locals there, i think i can be a tour guide.

I want to go overseas again.

I want to eat korean food.

I cannot imagine you with all your complexities and perfection and imperfections.

2010-11-29T19:05:00.002+08:00

We are only young and fearless once.

2010-11-26T10:41:00.000+08:00

I miss you people.

2010-11-25T01:01:00.001+08:00

I am connie. Really, i am a witch living like a muggle.

2010-11-20T23:16:00.003+08:00

Today i feel like i've been floating around. I feel fuzzy on the inside, like i'm lazing too much, or there is too much radiation from the laptop, like i am thinking too much, like i am not thinking about anything at all, like i don't know what i'm thinking.

It's actually not a bad day, considering that i woke up really late and i finished reading two books and watched a movie and like lie around everywhere. But i have homework to do tmr, for the last week of school :( I wish i could skip it.

Change is inevitable.

Some change for the better,

some change for the worst.

Some are part of a change,

some causes the change.

To disappear, we first have to appear. To be asleep, we first have to be awake. To be who you really are, do we first have to be who we really aren't?

On a side note, i was trying to imagine myself being old/people around me being old. Old as in 70+ in age - when you need a walking stick and your hair is white and your teeth are gone. Then i realised that i cannot deal with being old, and people around me reaching that age. I cannot really deal with not being able to walk really fast and digest food i like and have to cope with illnesses. And the thought + reality that i have aged and the people around me have aged.

Of course them ageing is none of my business but ohwell, imagine my mom being that age drove me mad halfway through dinner.

You didn't know because i've never intended to tell you.

I couldn't bring myself to.

I think alot, on some days. Maybe i can't help it, it's like part of life and part of growing up and it is inevitable. The thought of having to mature kills me already. We all need open brains.

The kind that doesn't even ask what it's like to not care, but it really doesn't matter.

2010-11-16T20:03:00.001+08:00

The truth can never be hidden.

I got promoted.

But i haven't felt this sad in quite some time.

2010-11-13T13:45:00.000+08:00

4 more days!

2010-11-09T19:34:00.001+08:00

1. OP is finally finished!

2. I am enjoying soccer alot more (cross fingers)

3. I just got a new phone today.

4. I hope i don't regret it.

5. I really like my nails now.

6. I finished reading all the Harry Potter (again)

7. I really want to watch Half Blood Prince again.

8. I can't wait to go to the zoo.

9. I am facing a financial crisis.

10. I am really hungry.

The last enemy that shall be conquered is death.

2010-11-01T17:56:00.000+08:00

The truth hurts, and lies worse.

2010-10-31T16:49:00.000+08:00

We can turn temporary into forever.

2010-10-30T13:58:00.000+08:00

Where are you?

2010-10-28T20:42:00.002+08:00

Today i met up with Cassan and supposed-to-meet Claudia too but i had to go nonetheless it was good and i enjoy talking to her cos Sham was playing most of the time. Moments like these are built to last, yknow.

I like the feeling like my head's in the cloud and i am just talking and talking and talking about things i think about and feeling good about it.

We cannot know what the future holds, so how can we be certain that our time now is wasted?

2010-10-27T20:40:00.002+08:00

Why? I feel so empty again. The difference is always highlighted. Can't we all fight? We need to do the things to we need to do, those that we want to.

How did we allow ourselves into this mess?

2010-10-24T22:18:00.002+08:00

We'll be young forever.

Tomorrow is WR's dateline and there's OP dry-run on tuesday and i have training tmr and there is many things to do like writing scripts and making slides and i like how i am busy but it annoys me most of the time.

I was having a nice cca-less break for the past manymany weeks and trng tmr sort of puts me off. Sometimes i really feel like stop kicking but assuming that i get through this year, there is only a few months left before i leave the team so i feel like i might as well try to pull through. Still, feeling tired tortures me.

I feel like i ...............................................

Goodbye.

2010-10-21T19:55:00.002+08:00

You cannot love a person now and not love their past, because their past is what makes them the person you love today.

This week has been a testing of my love for people around me.

2010-10-19T21:33:00.003+08:00

In the picture above, it actually shows the memories that were kept by Dumbledore to be viewed in the pensieve. It can be seen in HalfBloodPrince movie. BTWWWW, HARRYPOTTER 7 (PART 1) IS LESS THAN A MONTH AWAY FROM RELEASE. Anyway, if only we could keep memories like that, i wouldn't mind. Especially since i feel old and sometimes forgetful lately.

I am talking to Gene now, it makes me so excited (?????) Hahaha i am supposed to be doing PW instead but i shall do it later.

Yknow sometimes you want to do something so bad, and then you have a feeling like it's really going to happen. Why couldnt it, right?

2010-10-18T21:08:00.001+08:00

Where your treasure is, there your heart will be.

Today is one of those days when my brain is floating but gravity is trying to pull it down so i get a massive headache and i need to do PW :(

Tragic.

2010-10-16T19:40:00.002+08:00

African americannnnnn, i miss you so much. Mega touch you called today, hahah random. Yes let's meet! :D we'd better be doing well.

We really liked kokokrunch, remember?

I still do v much.

2010-10-15T22:32:00.001+08:00

Not afraid.

We are separated by the invisible barrier even though we are in the same space, the one that we allow to build up

2010-10-13T23:32:00.000+08:00

I am so tired bored hungry so i am going to sleep.

2010-10-08T18:48:00.002+08:00

Him : Did you just walk into the wall?
Me : No, i was just trying to get to Hogwarts.
-
HAHAHAH omg promos are almostttt over i dontknow what to say about the paper i just hope for the best as usual oh well. I am currently gaga over harry potter again i must have said this alot of times right but oh well.
-
I met with Huisze Irina Sham today i love you people hello lovely i just saw your blog post that was v long ago with my face. I think about you alot too, everytime the YTfiesta fun just flies into my mind and omg babies :D Hahaha i know how you feel and Irina i am mega proud of her for the NewFace thingy and Sham and I have brilliant plans for our photos with her haha okay I lo-veeeee you all.
-
Cassan & Claudia i miss you two ah where you two flew to?! Lets shop! And play omgggg i want to eat steamboat! Hahaha.
-
Sometimes i worry about things that dont even exist at all.
-
Harry potter brings me back to life, all the time. But much higher.

2010-09-26T22:51:00.002+08:00

Beneath the stars we'll talk about our hearts,

I gave my entire friday night + weekend to F1 i dont know whether if it's worth it considering that promos are about a week away what i am doing here anyway but oh well this is how it is and at the end of the day it takes so much more than inside.

Haven't done anything at all maybe i should finish chem before i sleep.

2010-09-21T20:35:00.002+08:00

I can tell by the look in your eyes.

Isn't weird how sometimes the things/people you think you know suddenly become what you can't imagine and what you've never experienced.

That life is not always rainbows and butterflies.

But, happiness is a choice, right?

I am waiting for H-Day.

2010-09-05T00:59:00.002+08:00

Hello i feel so tired but unable to sleep and weirdly oddly suddenly depressed that i feel like crying. I have no idea why.

We find words that speaks us, words that make us, words that feel us. I find comfort in the idea that some part of me is still here.

2010-08-23T21:56:00.003+08:00

I seriously have no idea what the 4 of us are doing claudia looks the most normal and so, we celebrated sham's birthday on the 21st at the airport! Mega fun and i was just laughing and laughing and my rib hurts and everyone was staring but it was a great day out and sham totally survived the entire day in pink - makes me proud of her (?!?!?!?) plus heart to heart talk until 11plus at khatib mac, i was still wide awake when i got home but totally dead the next day. These people make me feel real.

I was thinking about how you can be living because of many things - like for your friends and your families and the things you like to do, therefore sometimes it is okay to do without one of it since you have other to rely on. Then what about those that had only you, and while you didn't know, you sort of treat them like one of the alternatives.

I came home at like 11 today cos i was mega sick and then i slept and did work i had this sudden resolve that i should stop procrastinating so i went to the table and was doing WR. Half and hour later i was watching teevee (night at the museum II) and convincing myself i totally deserve the break cos i am sick. Haha.

I had this really long conversation with samuel quek yesterday ohmy i miss him v v v v much reminds me of the times when i was whiny and we had nothing better to do and just talking this and that and we add it all to get rubbish and moments. People i cant live without.

I am in a state that is totally out of the world and that i dont know of. I was experiencing this like really early this year but at that time i could figure out the main thing that cause me to be contradicting myself and then i got okay but i have no idea whats going on now.

I am not depressed, fret not.

2010-08-14T15:02:00.002+08:00

Hello i just woke up and i just watched the trailer for harry potter deathly hallows part 1 and i was like this is the thing that i will never get tired of even when i am a thousand and one years old so i've decided to to finish reading the whole series today (again) and at the back of my mind i am thinking like i should put off promos in my mind yay!

2010-08-10T16:22:00.002+08:00

My tuition's starting in 8 minutes hahahahah i am waiting for the tutor to come i dont dislike tuition just that sometimes i can do without it really i watched inception it is awesome seriously i think the only other time i've felt so good about a movie is when i watched I am Legend so everyone go and watch okay i will go and watch it like a second time. So yesterday i caught up with huisze and irina at huisze's house bbq with her aj friends it was great and i miss the times totally sometimes these are people we think we can do without when we actually cant and i am so grateful these people live in me. The soccer match on sat was not bad i would say i think we improved from diva and way to go nysg :D I hardly did work and i dreamt that i retained in my dream i was half freaking out half telling myself to be calm and in the back of my mind i was telling myself this is just a dream so just wake up it was abit dumb but ohwell.

I was quite upset regarding soccer that day (quite long ago) but God reminds me to live with a thankful heart indeed there were many that was there knowingly or not that day and i was thinking like - it has been such a long time since God spoke and i should keep my sundays free again for church.

School starts tmr truthfully i cant wait.

2010-08-07T22:15:00.003+08:00

You taught me how to fly.

I went out for dinner with the girls it was v fun (as usual) and it made my day (as usual) and i cant wait for the next time again. Its not like we go mega high and noisy and loud and become a public nuisance we just laught and talk and joke and spend a good time tgt and we spent the least for dinner today (40++) usually our food ends more than that hahahaha. All of us are going through financial crisis how depressing.

I have soccer match tmr i had a plan to not go but i will yes i will no matter what i will unless i end up in coma otherwise i will no matter how discouraging it is gna be i know that i can do this and i will do it.

I haven't been depressed really, like i said i was just going through a its-time-to-think-i-am-growing-up process so i was fine and always fine maybe good even.

Today i finished sewing the cover for my polariod album *accomplished* hahaha i have a lot of royce chocolate at home happy or whattttttt!

I keep eating i am forever hungry.

Hi Christabelle i will upload your photo soon stay tune i am actually quite afraid it will crash my screen ahahahahah

Goodnight people i am going to immerse in harry potter. Yknow what, the truth is that for people like us (me and sham and all the other harry potter fans around the whole that enjoy the book > movie) we actually believe that it is real but somehow we hope that it isn't because if it is it would mean we are depressingly - MUGGLES :(

I cant believe i forgot to mention this i saw puilyn today i miss you and peiying v much like really v v v v much and in many ways and many times i would ask and wish for it to be the same but it seems wrong to even say so cos we didnt fight / nothing went wrong in the first place. Maybe some times we sort of grow apart and i hope there would be something i could do about but i am glad no matter everytime i see you guys yes i seriously am.

2010-08-01T14:13:00.004+08:00

We lost ourselves in the bright lights.

I am so tired, and tired of saying i am tired. I am fighting for time but not making use to it. I am so autotuned to tired that even after sleeping 16 hours my heart is happy (+guilty) but my mind still tells me its not enough. Last week i promised myself i would study this week but i end up not doing anything but doing the best thing ever that is to read harry potter again.
♥
♥
♥

Its the best thing you can ever do seriously the book is amazing and remains so.

I need the strength to stay here, and the courage to run.

We do not get lost in situations, we get lost in finding them.

I am not emo / depressed this time really i guess, i am just thinking too much and feeling moderate and grumbling over the fact that i have to do eom (?!?!??!?!?!)

I am glad that i dont have facebook imgine all the other time it would be eating up!

2010-07-28T23:11:00.001+08:00

I need something more than this. Than where i am, what i am doing, much more. Sometimes i hate this feeling. What if we were radical? To be radical to quit, fight for the things we want, and keep going cos once you start, you cant stop.

2010-07-25T22:27:00.003+08:00

The fragility of life is something we cannot understand, but the magic of it is also something we cannot underestimate.

I think he knows.

I hope he does.

We can be invincible.

Maybe i am sorry.

2010-07-24T18:10:00.002+08:00

I need to watch/listen/read/do something sad to make me cry.

It's not that i'm depressed, i just dont know what/who i am doing all this for anymore. Its not even me, i dont even want this.

But, i cant cry anymore. Even when i try.

My gran is flying to taiwan and she totally messed up the flight time.

2010-07-20T16:33:00.001+08:00

CASSANDRAAAAAA TAN DONT BE SAD ANYMORE WE LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! :D

Okay, Happy birthday tomorrow and i seriously hope you see this!

Tough times do not last, only tough woman do!

2010-07-18T00:00:00.003+08:00

I saw a shooting star today and i made a wish. I just came back from ballet under the stars this is the third year i am watching and it was great still its the people that matters, really.

I used to live with my gran and everytime my mom calls or brings me out i get all excited and happy and i appreciate it very much. I began to live with my mom and as time goes i feel like i appreciate her less and less and sometimes i take her for granted and i get annoyed at her and then i get annoyed at myself for being annoyed at her so i tell myself never to do it again but i do. I have come to see how things can change even though i believe i have my own strength and many times i am sorry to her for making the distance that even i do not like.

The truth is i love mommy and i am so touched that when i come home today to see the socks she bought on my bed and though it wasnt what i needed i couldnt tell her no because i can't face telling her when i am sorry.

I want to be an icecream shop owner because i know that there are people that believes in the perceived strength of it.

It makes everyone happy.

This is when i feel like i am ready for God to take and consume me. This is when all that happens is to God, for God,by God, with God not me. This is when it is no longer " I can't"

2010-07-15T00:48:00.002+08:00

You can score even when there is a goalkeeper.

Its like almost 1 in the morning and i am talking to samuel quek its awesome seriously after we left ytss we hardly ever talked like that and i am v happy we are doing so we should often!
Today is another interestingly weird day and i have soccer trng tmr its gnabe the first time that i am leading pt so i am like afsdiyiewtowuirew flubbergasted i hope it turns out good i should sleep soon!
Good(morning)night people!

2010-07-13T21:20:00.005+08:00

Hope may be the only thing when there is nothing.

Today is somewhat peculiar which sort of explains why i am here firstly i am thankful to Christabelle the talking was great and maybe it got me thinking seriously about my relationship with God, like there should be something for me to work on and it has to start with me. I don'tknow about it but i thought it was at the right time although totally unexpected.

And then i just finished maths tuition with sham and it was another awesome time omg she's crazy and so we go zany and then its like weird but it makes sense and we were talking about issues, and i was thinking like hopeing for a second chance while knowing the next will be better so it was fab too bad she had to go.

I know the whole world knows Spain won so yeah it was quite boring i thought but it got better and i thought it was really like a great job. I had soccer yesterday and it was great too.

And i am currently speechless which doesn't seem to show my interesting day but its okay i will leave it goodbye!

It is interesting how life is like sometime and i am like hmmmmmm. I have been reading lovegivesmehope/sixbillionsecrets/omgfacts and i get different feelings from it all.

2010-07-10T20:36:00.008+08:00

Life is like a discordant machine because most of the time it just jumps everywhere and i'll be like what now what now what now and then i was doing EoM but i was eating nutella then i was laughing at the teevee and then i was reading and i was doing EoM again and sulking and all these happened in like 10 minutes and then my brain becomes a frenzy and i wonder if i should just stone and do nothing maybe i can smile to myself and be happy about it suddenly i think about what i should do later or tomorrow or ten years later or what if i live a million days (thats crazy btw) and then i wonder if i will get nightmares tonight whether i might just die or whether i will roll down the bed what to do if a ghost walks into my room and then i feel sad and then i feel happy and then i feel sad again and then i am hungry and then i think that people are going to forget me like in ten years in 50 years in 100 years so what am i doing all these for seriously am i the only one that feels this way all the time because it hasnt stopped at all since it started from i dontknow when its weird and i just can't put it right and i sometimes it convince me that i am special not because everyone is special but because i am geniuely special because i might be an alien.

I love Crunchie its the best chocolate ever i bought lots of it back from Australia thinking that i am never going to eat it in my entire life again but i saw it in NTUC and its like mega big yknow bigger than all the mini sized packets that i bought i was thinking ohman all the times i went to the market is wasted anyway i am going to keep buying it now goodbye.

Actually i am sure that i am looking for something for a long long long time just that i am not sure what thats why things are like that.

2010-07-09T19:42:00.001+08:00

I wanted to blog but i can't find the words to say not because i am depressed i just can't believe school started and i have work to do.

:( :( :( :( :( :( :(

Okay yes i am depressed i am going to read harry potter again.

2010-07-04T11:02:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i dont know why i feel this way.

2010-07-04T00:06:00.002+08:00

So argentina lost like 4-0 to germany (!?!?!?!?) which is mega-O since brazil like lost yesteday also hopefully spain loses later so maybe germany has better chance of winning but then uruguay looks not bad cos there is suarez and cos no europeans has won outside europe ground so the match is somehow getting very akdsiufiywqrou i dontknow what it's like okay how can argentina lose?!?!??!?!

2010-06-23T23:30:00.006+08:00

Watch me fly.

Its just being there, when i let the feelings flow in and out and i am just floating there and i am okay, just okay. Just there and nowhere else, not up nor down. And being okay with the situation, and waiting for it to pass over.

You know? It's weird to always believe that i could while knowing i can't.

2010-06-21T21:34:00.006+08:00

Everyday is like waking up telling yourself to study and eat and study and bathe and study. But most of the time you sort of tell yourself you can fight for the life that you want (like stoning or reading) and end up not studying at all even though is MYE soon and then you are guilty at the end of the day but still go to sleep peacefully at 12am after snogging the teevee the whole day and have sweet dreams.

I realise that i can do away with the daily routine i set in my brain anytime i want but i cannot run away from the routine of eventually going to school and doing papers and getting results and maybe deciding life is wrong.

Depressing. I am seriously not stressed about the exams. Sometimes i just realise that maybe i am not the me i am anymore, some aspects which i dontknow is good or bad. Like my heart just flew thousands of miles away from where i am to somewhere else with nice sand so i can sit all day with my teevee and library and nice things to do.

On another note, Harrypotter's first half of the 7th movie is coming out soon yay in november hahahahahah and the universal thing is open it looks fab i wna go there like after a levels (if i get there) or something.

2010-06-19T21:42:00.001+08:00

It doesnt take alot to cherish what you really have.

Tonight i am swept with a wave of nostalgia. It was nice, and weird.

Dreams & passion.

2010-06-15T11:34:00.002+08:00

We can't always have forever, because if we do, we'll never know how to cherish.

Maybe sometimes what we have to do is not to find, but to fight.

2010-06-07T11:19:00.003+08:00

HAHAHAHA SOCCER OUTING! :D

Well not exactly everyone but it was great fun. I had my first match on saturday and it felt great and tiring and painful all over i was v v v v v lazy after it was over.

I AM FLYING TMR TEEHEE :D I can't believe i am blogging (?!?!?!?!) when i am supposed to be doing work since i am going off to play soon omy maybe i really will retain now that is depressing but oh well what comes will come and will came. Bad english.

Hello lovely hotpot i miss you you seem sad on your blog don't be i hope you had fun on your trip CONNIE CHAN IS HERE FOR YOU! :D Lets get ballet under the stars tickets when i am back okay! Its on sale alr rightossss?! I love you!

2010-05-30T19:54:00.003+08:00

My group got highest for hist ISP!

Happy or what?

Teehee :D

PS. cant wait for australia.

God always always give, even when i'm at the brink.

What you always don't know, is that i do too.

2010-05-28T21:32:00.003+08:00

Everything I once held dear

I count it all as lost

Lead me to the cross

Where Your love poured out

Bring me to my knees

Lord I lay me down

Rid me of myself

I belong to You

A heart of faith

and desire.

When God works, its always always always wonders.

And everywhere you look you'll see it, all the time.

God is there, always always there.

2010-05-26T20:23:00.002+08:00

I miss it so much.

I wonder if its still the same.

GP paper tmr :(

2010-05-24T21:08:00.001+08:00

The will of God will not take you where the grace of God will not protect you.

Every second of life is a choice, with happiness as the first option.

Gone with the wind, hopefully at the mercy of time.

I
♥

Soccer.

I really do.

Sometimes, the grass does smell great.

2010-05-24T00:11:00.002+08:00

Love takes courage, be courageous.

It is amazing how fast time flies. It would possibly be the only thing that we can catch, no matter how hard we try. Tomorrow would be investiture for the 12th ytsc. I would very much want to be there, very very much. But the invitation came quite late, i am quite confused, it is quite complicated. Sometimes i can't quite remember what we've gone through, sometimes i am reminded fondly. I know tonight i won't be able to sleep.

I struggle inside to find the suitable words, i dont know which way works. I wish i would be able to find. I had faith all along. Maybe sometimes we all try to read between the lines, i don't know how it turns out.

Because everything happens for a reason, right? I wish there is more than this that i could do. Perphaps i should have tried much harder, really.

Goodnight people, i am thankful it came so timely.

2010-05-11T19:27:00.002+08:00

I miss you guys v much.

Eat soon okay!

Am v tired.

{edited/

Being caught up with PW and work sometimes is irritating. But sometimes it makes me feel real and accomplished. I am sorry it turned out this way.

Every thing that i do, i feel like i am being moulded. As i try to control my emotions, i feel like i am growing up, like something is taught to me. I feel like sometimes i am beginning to look at different angles to understand.

Sometimes i get caught off guard with what is presented, how i reacted. I wish we could do better. But there will always be a need somewhere, a need for somebody to do it.

I want to break down these walls. But the harder i try the further i get. I wish it was easy, but it was never meant to be. I am sorry i eventually gave up.

Sometimes what i can never do, is make myself never believe.

The world is round, right?

2010-05-06T22:57:00.004+08:00

Yes in fact it bothers me sometimes.

Sometimes i lay in bed, the moments before i fall asleep i think about what tomorrow will be like. What would my mood be, what would the weather be like, what will i be feeling, how are people gna look at me, am i gna remember my dream, am i gna be happy.

But at that moment it occur to me that i might never live past tonight.

That perphaps that might be a worm hibernating inside me that might take me away while i am sleeping. Because the truth is i'll never know whether tomorrow comes.

But the very fact that i am here means that obviously i have woken up from every moments i have thoughts like that.

Still, this is what life is like.

The recent demise of a boy whom i dont directly know has got me thinking. It happened because of a car accident and i was thinking what if it had been me?

God showed me how He takes away lives, even those who were shining for Him, even those whose prescence could touch many more.

Life is fragile, God's actions are planned.

Certainly he lives in heaven happy now. But i was just thinking that no matter how planned it might have been i wouldn't have been ready to give up on life.

Nobody has a choice, death is but another journey of life.

Just as i was thinking, i felt grateful. That i could live till now, lived through today and be grateful when i open my eyes tomorrow.

Anyway, the point is school is getting busy. Sometimes i complain about life. Why why why. Which sort of contradicts everything above.

When i go to the supermarket with my mom, my only hope was that i will win huge amounts of money then i will move to some nice place and buy two houses - one to stay and the other to rent to earn my keeps. Then i would never have to face another math problem, anything day of waking up early. Plus the weather there would probably be alot better.

The amount of work is amazing. What is more amazing is sometimes i feel bored like i have alot of time when truthfully there is a lot of things to be done.

Like, my GPP is due tmr and i can't believe i am actually blogging.

I am enjoying school more, really.

Time flies, sometimes i wish we could have a little more time to hold on to what we could, what we would, what we just can't bear to even miss.

Can't wait for australia.

2010-05-03T19:14:00.001+08:00

I wish i had more time + determination to do well.

Maybe sometimes its me to blame.

" They misunderestimated me"

- George Bush.

This is why i love history.

2010-05-02T22:18:00.002+08:00

1. I had previously intended to blog a v v v meaningful passage but i am v lazy.
2. I watched iron man and it was great. The first one was better though.
3. I am burnt.
4. I did nothnig productive this entire weekend. Perphaps i will start tmr.
5. I am done feeling broke, since there's nothing i can do about it.
6. I'm always tired.
7. I can't wait to go australia.
8. The weather is seriously horrible.
9. SamuelQuek i miss you v much haha i was reading the letters & it felt scary to imagine what if we totally stopped talking one day. {although its something like that now}
10. Happy belated birthday hannah & P.Andy i love you two.

I love HBO cos they keep playing The Pacific which is the number one reason why i am glue to the teevee and not doing anything.

Fear your enemy when he has nothing to lose.

2010-04-29T22:13:00.002+08:00

This is how the world is split into sometimes.

Black or White.
Chocolate or Vanilla.
Sweet popcorn or Salty ones.
Shorts or Pants.
Square inside a circle or Circle inside a square.
Smile or frown.
Right or left.
Up or down.
Yes or No.
-
-
-
-
Manchester United or Chelsea.
I stand in the centre.

To love is to steal and be stolen.

2010-04-25T00:33:00.005+08:00

Sometimes i am so tired and worn out i wonder why i am still breathing,

how did i manage to open my eyes again,

how come i can still punch the calculator,

where did i get the strength to write.

When all the 'fight this' thoughts no longer seem to work,

i am reminded that i am actually very very blessed, in many wonder ways.

I am not alone.

No one is alone.

And that someday, all these will surely be over.

( Soccer trng was great. I'm loving it.)

2010-04-20T19:51:00.004+08:00

" Because sometimes it's like trying to find myself again. To search in my heart the things i used to dream. It might have been deep, but surely i haven't lose it. To tell myself that it could be that simple. That somethings are worth fighting for. Sometimes it is the solitude that calms me, that brings me back again. So i keep saying - just have a little more faith. "

This is me

2010-04-19T21:24:00.001+08:00

H O P E .

Surely, tomorrow will be better.

2010-04-17T22:09:00.003+08:00

What if i am more than you think?

We could be better than this.

1. I like going to school. With nice people and nice butt to hit and nice game to play. & nice EC which is a waste of brain space. I enjoy aishah's company v much so i am v proud she got A for PW but its all thanks to my chocos!

2. I like soccer. Really, i hope it turns out good when it all ends.

3. I have not been doing much work, which is quite bad.

4. I am going to brisbane in june! (YAY)

5. I need to save for GSS with aishah and cassan/claudia/sham!

6. I have stopped trying to figure out why some things turn out some way.

7. I like rainy days

8. I like talking in school :) I wish ms.nice butt and i have same combi.

9. Sham i havent talk to you in quite some time.

10. Hello lovely i miss you v much.

11. I miss you too samuel quek. But it seems like you are quite love sick.

12. God is good.

13. Life is great.

14. I am thankful.

2010-04-11T12:04:00.002+08:00

Isnt what i want, what i think the one that matters?

Afterall, it is me that is going to be with me forever.

If so, then why?

2010-04-10T21:31:00.004+08:00

What am i like in your memory?

Today is me day. This is why i like to read so much. Because when i read it brings me back to me alone, with only me to account to, with only my thoughts that matters.

I just finished reading My Sister's Keeper for the i dontknow how many time. It was a new feeling reading it. It's amazing how the same words could now have different meanings, how i could see things in a different angle than when i did the last time, how i try to read between the lines and see the other side. I like how it makes my mind works, and how the story touch my heart like it was real.
It was quite an emotional read.

& since its me day, i started thinking again. What if someone you thought wouldnt, die tomorrow. What would go through your mind? What would be the words you wished you say?

I used to think what kind of memories would i see if i get to be another person for a day. I always guess if that person would have somewhat similar encounters as mine. But i realise that i wouldn't know because i am simply not that person. What memories that person have is his and his alone, and mine are mine alone.

When the issues of memories comes up, i think about people alot.
These days i think about people on my rides to school and back home. Of the people i love and the people i miss and the people i wish i had spend more time with.
I wonder if they think of me the way i think of them, i wonder what is me like in their brains.

Mostly i think about Gene. I wonder how it is like for her at down-under. If things might have been good, or would it have been better if she stayed.
I think about the people i know in yishuntown, do they read through the cards i write like i do?

Sometimes we have questions with no answers, answers with no reasons. We walk around in circles. We try to find the routes.

I keep asking what is life really about, what is me in the future really like. & i get so caught up asking that i let it take over my world, making me miss the time that pass before me, the time i could have spent much happier with the people i love.

But this is life, full of surprises.
Which is why sometimes i get caught up between the me that is me and the me i try to be, the me that loves God and the me that loves me, the me that tries to do the right things and the me that just want to do what makes me happy, the me that tells me not to give up and the me that says its enough.

This post, might seems like it has nothing to do with the book.
It might seems like it doesnt make sense at all.
But its me day today, and that is all that matters.

2010-04-08T21:23:00.002+08:00

What is your heart made of?

Thank God.

For giving all that i needed, more than i could ask for.
& the girls,
for all the memories we've made,
and coming over even though its a weekday after school,
and being such a great friend

2010-04-04T16:27:00.002+08:00

What if to them, it didn't really mattered.

That you were just living in your own shadow of naivete.

2010-04-04T00:09:00.001+08:00

What is your heart searching for?

An escape route.

2010-04-01T22:49:00.004+08:00

This is going to be a longgggg post i guess.

Well, i just returned from the EasterEvent which was a musical. It was good, really i thought the cheoreography and props were rather impressive.

I guess the msg preached was intended more for the newcomers, but P.Dom did talked about something that I have been thinking about recently.

Not long ago i chanced upon a blog which was talking about unconditional love, and how we perceived it to be. Today again it was mentioned and i was just thinking.

What if you asked someone " Why do you love me? " and the answer was : for no reasons.

This would mean you have done nothing to earn that love that was given to you, and there is nothing you can do to make sure that the love continue to remain yours. It means that everything that the person could give was everything that the he/she could take away. And that everything he/she had given was all of you, your good and your bad.

Many of us are fearful of this. Even though we would like to think that we would be able to love our friends and families unconditionally. But the truth is, sometimes we draw up lines and reasons of why we love people. We did not mean it, but we find reasons attached to this love.

However, in God we can find this unconditional love.

His love would not measure your moral or your worth or your values or your merit. His love is unconditional, no whatever who what where you are. That is why He sent His one and only son to die for us so that we can gain eternal life. & this eternal life is for us to take, it is a choice that is always there. That is why, we have Good Friday.

Well, i am frankly taken aback at the msg that i have received. I would like to think i could love unconditionally and freely but like man, i would like to love cautiously, selectively.

But God taught me so much, to love people as people for God has given us this heart.

So, whats stopping you from loving today? From reaching out to the ones who need it?

With this aside, it has been quite a week with tests that i didn't study for and definitely gna fail badly. It was quite a struggle but oh well. There's alot of work to do over this weekend as well.

I went back to YishunTown for speech day. It always feels good.

" We are YTzens, no matter where we are " -YTzen Creed.

Well, the food was really really really great. & it was good to be back with the people and babies.

I am going out tmr, can't wait. I really hope i have enough time for work.

Have a good easter everyone! :D

PS : Do you read harry potter?

It was love that found this sentence.

2010-03-28T18:27:00.002+08:00

Love unconditionally, not cautiously.
-

What if its wrong, what if there's nothing i can do about it, what if i try and it doesnt work out? What if there is something more?

Why are there so many things going through my brain in one time, so many feelings that i feel. Why is it that the same questions keep coming, the same words keep repeating, the sentences keep surfacing, but i still cant find the asnwers.

I wish we could all find a better place.

Amidst all the life and the up and downs, the buzzing here and there and the running in circles,

where does your heart truly lay?

2010-03-26T22:27:00.002+08:00

There was speech day rehearsals today and it was good! :D

I got to see many people and it made me realise me - being happy with the people that i love and miss. I have learnt that there could be more than what i think about everyday, more than what i try to find answers for.

Today is joyful.

(T)oday (G)od (I)s (F)irst.

2010-03-24T17:45:00.002+08:00

Because i've known You, thats why there's not turning back.

School started, bad.

Collected testiomonial, great.

/} but then again where? I haven't flown away, have I?

So what went wrong?

2010-03-21T15:41:00.000+08:00

What is your treasure?

2010-03-20T23:56:00.004+08:00

I did not study at all this hols.

Really, not lying, not guilty.

I should quit school.

( To prevent reality )

" Go Connie yknow you can. "

I wish so.

Tell me when.

I cried while watching BenjaminButton on HBO just now. It was touching, amazing and it might have been quite an ordinary movie so i had not much idea why i cried. It wasnt much of an emotional day but i cried anyway, just teared i wasnt brawling.

I was talking to Gene like 2 seconds ago and it was a really short conver that summarises alot of feelings and words and loads more of " i really miss her " which sort of reminds me talking to Aishah the other day. Is it a worldwide disease that we all think about life and ponder and sometimes get really confused after we turn seventeen?

Well, all it takes is one thing that can make your life wrong.

I wish prayers still works, really.

2010-03-19T22:35:00.000+08:00

For all the things i try to say but couldn't find the words.

2010-03-17T22:19:00.000+08:00

What are we if we allow distance to pull us apart?

Updating often, bad.

2010-03-15T19:55:00.000+08:00

Things that makes us all of what we are.

2010-03-14T22:27:00.004+08:00

& so, we conquered the marathon. Although it was quite a short distance, it was a v fulfilling event for me, or so i felt. Teehee.
Yesterday was a great day cos i read the fifth and sixth harry potter and moved on to the seventh which i am going to finish later. I just can't put it down.
Finally bought fedora with sham, i am spending mindlessly on things that i dontknow so i am constantly poor these days.
I cannot wait for the pulau ubin trip tmr! But there is school, at 730. Depressingggggg. I am v tuned to hol mood which is bad as well.

I am thinking alot lately which is quite good and bad. The world is full of questions. It is part of growing up. I will find out somehow. I just dont get it here and there. It is so weird, something i dont like but cant help it. I am seeing things, feeling things, thinking things.

I know i need to go back to church.
To see that God is God and i am not. And stop asking whats changed.

-
On the other hand, it was quite interesting to talk to sham about scandals these days. We didnt talk much, but it gets us thinking i guess. This must be how gossip works.
But really, with all the things happening around me, i really wonder how much a relationship can hold, and how it actually really works.

Hello lovely, if you still ever am reading i really miss you! Goodness, we should eat soon or something i know anderson must be making you really busy too!
I miss peiying and puilyn too. It is like getting caught up with life's emptiness.

" If all of me is all of you and all of you is all of me then tell me why we could say the words we wouldn't want to hear but say it anyway to hope it makes us feel better. "

2010-03-12T21:25:00.001+08:00

"What doesnt kill you only makes you stronger."

I am still figuring myself out and it will take long.
It is finally hols, for a week.

2010-03-07T22:08:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY CLAUDIA! :D

I have no concerns if no one sees, we had fun playing yesterday and celebrating! I am truly grateful for these people, even though i was really tense and uptight and sad and depressed yesterday.
There are things i tell myself but i dont do, but i will now.
Yesssss! :D
School isnt that bad, come to think of it. I cant let life get the better of me, yes!

I am going to do maths now! CANT WAIT FOR MARCH HOLS TEEHEE!

{Beauty in tragedy}

2010-02-22T23:42:00.002+08:00

GP lesson was on child labour today. It was so heart renching to watch the videos i was thinking like omg i am going to cry any second. I remember seeing porverty when i went to china. We all know it exists, but not to the extend we are ready to face.
The fact that 25,000 children die ( according to what the tcher say ) of starvation/labour everyday makes me think like why am i wasting my time studying. Not as an excuse.
We cannot say that life is unfair. What if its the able ones that make it unfair?

However, i do agree that i get worked up about such things only for a matter of time. I wish there is something i can do still. If this is how the world works, v v v v soon people around Singapore will be facing the same things.

The teacher showed us the uni admissions this morning. Yes it is fairly too early but ohwell, it gives us an understanding. Sham says none offers the kind of media she wants, nor does any offer the icecreamshopowner dream i want. This is bad, admissions is not easy really.
I wander where to get the brains from.

I am in a just type mode. What is bliss? That i can reach out for money to get what i want, or that i lived another day?

2010-02-21T21:33:00.001+08:00

What is life?
I wonder what kind of life would i have lived before i die.
What kind of images about my life would flash through my mind.
I wish it would have been a happy journey when that day comes.
Everyone asks the same questions, but no one really knows.
You decide it, good or bad.

2010-02-19T22:51:00.002+08:00

The little things that make life great.

Why?

Why do we always hold onto things that don't come back?

Do we not learn, or not want to learn?

Even as the saying goes, not everyone knows how to cherish.

I wish sometimes i could do better, at showing my love and how much i really cherish the times i get to spend with my family and friends.

I have learnt, but there is still way to go. I enjoy it, thoroughly and totally, whoever you are.

School isnt bad, i am thinking of appealing again at the thought of uni :/ I hope time flies in a happy way.

I have become a happier person! Really.

I wonder if i've matured though :/

2010-02-13T22:39:00.002+08:00

Lagging behind and i wish i could have done better.
I tried but i cant get it right.
I hope trying works, really.
How?

Happy new year and valentines day :D