Music is what feelings sound like.

It is so amazing yet scary how songs can say the words we can never find, the feelings we can never express, the message we can never put across.
It is like a therapy that knows your mind, speaks your heart. I am not much of a musical person, but am swept.

I feel so afraid again at not knowing what is going to happen. It feels like a huge burden to be making decisions about your future at an age like this. I would often like to think that i am old enough but then again i cannot deny the regrets i have created. It is like feeling of being so sure but so doubtful the next second. I want to let someone take control but i feel so hard to. So hard to surrender it all. There is something to huge so heavy that i cannot manage, that i cannot put aside, i cannot lay down. But i have to do it, get over it.
We often take the biggest and boldest steps because we do not know what lies ahead. We hope for the best. I dontknow too, but i can't see the best. I can't tell the direction. I dont know where.
I feel so complicated, undecisive. Like trying to understand myself all over again.
I am so afraid that i am too late for fate, too late for the decisions that were already made.
That it is too late to amend the mistakes. And too wrong for not trusting.

The things that happened today made me think about life. Life that is too short, but at the same time passing slowly. Life that i have taken for granted even though i try not to. Life that i complained about, life that i keep asking for more.
I am blessed.

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On a lighter note i went to seoul garden today with Cassan and Claudia. Sham was supposed to join us but things happened and i hope she is fine she is a strong person :)
Anyway we had fun eating and talking and taking dorky pictures. It is something that happens, eg how we cannot resist talking about the school that we have already left and also the temptation to get juniors to go home when we see them loitering around. Anyway the place was pretty much just us so it was great. We ate alot and its like hands down to the both of them.
It was the first time i made my v own ice kachang which was pretty much flat but i really like alot alot alot. It tasted blissful, haha. We took polariods and pictures and i was a great day.
I like the feeling of catching up these, even though i am not good at keeping people i am really thankful.
They have both started calling SRJC their school even though the posting is not out.
I am still unsure if i really want to go NYJC and the main and probably only thing thats making me mad since it is pretty much the deciding one.
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I have rediscovered the joy of kids and teaching them, hence the second splitting headache.

It is the feeling of knowing you are only one step behind, but still having to tell yourself too bad.